The Plunge Blog

It all started when she asked me “what if I don’t like the ring you proposed with? Would you be offended if I don’t like it?”
The answer was tricky but I said “yes, I would be offended on the grounds of you missing the point that it is not about the ring, it is about me offering my life to you”
Call me old fashion but that is how I feel. However, I tend to be a daredevil and I took her window shopping for the ring. The idea behind it was that at least she would get what she wants (size, cut, color, setting, etc) even if I had to sacrifice the surprise. It was explained to her prior to the incursion that we were doing our homework and that we were not going to buy a ring that night.
The problem is that she fell in love with a $12,000 dollar setting, capable of holding a 2.5 carat rock. The ring (diamond included) carried a price tag of $40,000; far more than 3 months of salary by a long margin.
The next day she went to work and tracked down the designer of the monster setting online. She then e-mailed me the results of “the hunt” because she “thought it might be useful to have these pictures in my archives”. That was it. I was furious. She knows the price of the setting and she does not care if the thing is by itself more than two months salary, half the price of a car, 5 years of food, 7 years of gas, 9 mortgage payments and a infinite amount of dog food.
I know I sound like a cheapskate, but I am ready to invest up to $18,000 on the ring (hardly a drop in the bucket), but now I am thinking that maybe, just maybe, I am being taken advantage of. She is certainly not in it for the money, but sometimes she makes me feel like she likes the flash more than the idea of being with me for life.
My question is: Am I in the wrong to think that $12,000 for a setting is crazy and that 40 grand for a ring is just insane? Furthermore, since she knows the price of the setting and obviously has check estimates for the diamond, why does she think that such an inconsiderate number is OK?
Lastly, if it is all about love, what is so wrong with a ring pop?

First thought, Oh hell no!
This should clue you in on what you're about to get yourself in to. There are certain things that warrant so much money, but a ring and a setting do not.
My fiance tried pulling a stunt like this before. It took me some time to figure it out, but I realized that it's not that my fiance was a gold digger and was finally showing her true face. It's just that she didn't understand the financial impact of actually paying $XX for a ring. I had to tell her that if I did buy her such an expensive ring now I would be paying years/months for it. We would start our marriage in debt and I would be limited from buying her nice things for birthdays, and holidays.
For me, the ring might have been worth that much money. It was really nice, sparkly and big. But I told her that if I did get her that ring, the next 100 or so weekends would be spent in the house eating ramen noodles. She would not have an opportunity to show it off.
You could guilt her into, "it's all about love" but that will only buy you some time. I used it on my fiance a few times and I got her to quit for a day, but she was back on that horse the following day wanting an overpriced ring. It'll buy you a day, no more though.

NO that is for sure not ok. That is a lot of money to spend on a ring and very, very few people can afford that comfortably. I don't know what it is with these girls...if my fiancee had spent that much money on a ring (not that that's even feasible at this point in our lives) I would have slapped him upside the head. It's just a ring and less expensive rings are just as pretty as more expensive rings and I can look at mine without the guilt of thinking "gee...this $40,000 could have made an awesome down payment on a house or a substantial payment into my med school debt." I think $18,000 is also a ton to spend on a ring but if you are comfortable with it, that's up to you. No reasonable girl would demand this. I hate to be the bearer of bad news here but if she is starting to demand things you guys can't afford now, it will probably become a pattern. I would sit down and have a talk with her before you go spend a whole lot of pretty pennies on a ring for her.

I asked my fiancee after the fact if he'd have been upset if I didn't like the ring he gave me. He said a little, but asked me why. My thought? If you're going to buy me a piece of jewelry to symbolize you love for someone, you'd want them to wear it, right? He said yes. Would you rather have me wear it out of obligation, or because I think it's perfect? He just smiled. Personally, I'm not much on jewelry so the boy had his work cut out for him. Since I wear the thing more often than not, I'd say he did well.

I'm with Danielle here. I haven't a clue what my fiancee paid for my ring (it was surprise, completely), but I KNOW it was no where near 18k. Mind you, if you want to and can afford that much, I say go for it. But, honestly and from a personal standpoint, I'd afraid to wear the damn thing. Heck, I'm often afraid to wear the ring I do have.

I agree that it's more about the spending my life with the person than the pretty piece of jewelry. I rather think it's a bit unreasonable to want that specific ring, knowing that you'd have to sell one kidney, put a lien on your firstborn, and eat ramen at the wedding. Shiny is nice, but having someone to hold me is better. I don't have enough female friends to do the show-off thing, and like my guy friends care about the size of the rock (which is not a diamond, thank whatever higher power is listening...)

Short version of it is, I'd have that talk. And if you still want to do it, use the 'hunt results' as a general guide when looking at something a bit more reasonable in your eyes. I'm sure you can find something similar for a fraction of the cost.

I originally wanted a more expensive ring for an engagement ring. My fiance said this is the budget for both rings and it is reasonable I don't want to pay more than this. I said ok fair enough. His ring is only going to cost your finacee 300 why should you spend 40k? Are you crazy? Say no! Tell her that you do want her to be happy but this is about both of you being happy you aren;'t comfortable spending 40k and you have budgeted this much for it. One she isn't going to wear her engagement ring the rest of her life (usually you just wear the wedding band after a few years anyway). Two tell her something that you will get her that ring (the 40k one) for your 10 year anniversary, more time to save and if something more important comes up like children she will understand the importance of not wasting money on it at that time in your life.
22k is alot of money, explain that is a house or better yet your entire wedding budget, she's got to be reasonable.

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