The Plunge Blog

A reader writes in the forums:

"I was just informed this weekend that I need to get a wedding-day gift for my fiancee.

"This was news to me, and I thought I was pretty well-informed about such things. Of course, this leads to a flurry of new questions.

"How long has this "tradition" been around, and is it another product of the wedding industry? What is the ballpark figure for spending on such a gift?

A reader writes:

"Am I wrong for being upset? 

"I can honestly say that if the tables were turned, a) I would find a way to get to the wedding; (he's made no attempt what so ever, just simply said "oh well") and b) would throw him a bachelor party regardless of my attendance.

"Any thoughts on any of this? I don't want to " replace" the best man, since we are getting married 1500 miles away; but I'm just looking for some insight as to how someone else would feel/handle this?

Thanks."

A reader writes:

"Okay I want a bachelor party......and my girl doesn't care if I have one. I was thinking of going to the strip club with the fellas having a couple of drinks, going home and playing cards/X-box 360/ Bones (dominoes).....the works ya know?

"But my girl has a problem with the strip club.....and strippers period. I see it as since this is basically my last moment of freedom and we both know I aint going to do something I shouldn't......like "sleep" with the stripper, I don't see the problem. Can I get some honest opinions on this please?"

Let's take a step back.  Let's break down your perspective, and then her perspective.

A female reader writes:

"i found this site and i think its WONDERFUL. i love reading things from the man's point of view, but now i need a LOT of help.

"My fiance and i started dating almost 2 years ago and we would have sex a few times a week-perfect for me. then after 2 months of dating he left for a deployment (he's in the navy) and after that, it was like once a month-IF that..im only 21, and at that time when the sex was slowing i was only 19. he's a few years older than me but he told me that he's never really been into sex-even in his high school years.

"But then at times it feels like its a chore for him. iv tried all sorts of things and no success really, he just tells me that he has a tummy ache, head ache or some other form of ailment.

A reader writes:

"First of all, love your website. Yep, I'm a chick, I hate wedding porn. I find it obnoxious. I love how honest this website is.

"I have a question. It's about my fiancé...I'm torn. Maybe it's just a dream of mine but I'd like to think he can have as much fun at the wedding as I can. Maybe not in the planning process, but at least AT the wedding. I'm trying my damnedest to keep his spirit involved even if he is not necessarily planning things.

A reader writes:

"One of my groomsmen called me to let me know his wife's mother is seriously ill.

"Because they are taking on her bills--and taking her into their home--he will be unable to come to our wedding which is next summer.

"I have a friend who was in the running to be a groomsman but I ended up not asking him. Is it rude to ask him to be a groomsman now if I explain the situation to him?  The wedding is in Massachusetts and he lives in Michigan."

A reader writes:

I am having problems finding someone to identify as a Best Man. I have a couple of close friends who I can use as Groomsmen, but I can't really see anyone as able to fill the role of Best Man.

"My former best friend and I don't talk anymore and I don't have anyone that can handle the responsibilities. The numbers will be the same, just no one person identified as a Best Man. Is it possible to have a ceremony with just Groomsmen?"

A reader asks us:

"What do you guys think about honeymoon sweepstakes? Any tips or ideas? Any sweepstakes?

I know your advice on this is that this isn't going to be our best vacation ever, but I'm seriously wanting to get the heck out of dodge and the only way we can afford it... would most likely be through a sweepstakes of some sort."

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A reader writes:

"Yes, I'm a woman (gasp!) and you didn't scare me away. Nice try.

"It's like this: Neither my fiance or myself really care about the wedding or wedding planning. We both care about marrying each other and that's it. I know I want some kind of wedding, but planning is like pulling teeth. I don't give a fu#k what kind of flowers are in my bridesmaids' bouquets and 80% of me wishes I could just wear jeans.

"Problem: Both of our families are INSISTENT that we have a "real wedding". His grandmother would most likely have a heart attack if we didn't (his father eloped... twice). I like the woman. She's cool. I don't want her to die. We're going traditional on payment (wedding - my parents, booze and rehearsal dinner - his parents), but yeah, both families are insisting on a "real" wedding, and my parents honestly aren't that thrilled about the marriage to begin with.

We've made no secret about our preference for Platinum. When you're buying a ring--whether for her or for you--it's the safer choice, the longer-lasting choice, the better-investment choice.

So in the past couple of months, Plunge editor (Jeff Wilser) and fellow relationship expert Andrea Syrtash hit the media waves to discuss relationships, proposals, wedding rings, and, yes, the merits of Platinum.

This video is just one of many TV interviews we did. Some of it's a little outdated-discussing the holiday season-but most of it still matters.

Two quick things:

In the Plunge Forums, a reader writes:

"I'm the guy that was never popular in high school, doesn't have many friends, and was never given the time of day until college started.  I'm 21 years old now, as is my fiancée. 

"She was the girl that everybody wanted all through high school etc...She brings up her past sexual experiences multiple times a week. Each time I ask her not to, as I would just rather not know what she did in her past as it makes me a bit jealous. 

You might not know it, but your fiancée has just picked up a foreign language.

Over at all the "wedding forums," the brides use a confusing, jumbled system of abbreviations that would, we suspect, impress the sonar-encryption-scientists from World War II.

Every now and then, it's possible that she might slip these into her emails or texts with you.

Here's how to crack their code:

We hate New Year's Resolutions. They strike us as cheesy and obvious and trite. And a little arbitrary, no? Why not March 17th Resolutions or St. Patrick's Day Resolutions? After all, you're pretty much the same dude on January 1st as you were on December 31st, just a little older, a little poorer, and a billion times more hung over. Not much changes. In a sense, New Year's Resolutions are to self-improvement what Valentine's Day is to romance.

Then again... be honest. Did you make resolutions on St. Patrick's Day? Did you actually think about self-improvement throughout the year? Me neither.

This list is not life-changing. It's not earth-shattering. But self-improvement, like nearly all improvement, is incremental.

Most of this list applies for all men. Sprinkled in are a few for guys getting married.

1. Go to the gym for the first 7 days of January, then stop.
Why bullshit yourself? Let's call it like it is. Every item on this list is something you can actually do without overhauling your schedule, habits, finances, or relationship.

2. Filter your Twitter.
A good rule of thumb: If at least 5 people won't find your thought interesting, don't Twitter it, Mutter it.

3. Don't be a Favre.
Commit or don't commit. But don't play Hamlet with your lady.

4. Surprise her with an omelet.

5. Don't freak out if she's freaking out.
It's natural. And after the wedding, she'll return to normal. For perspective, when you watch a football game you scream obscenities, your face gets all red and scary, and you yell at players who are 2,000 miles away and wouldn't listen to you anyway. And somehow she still accepts you. (Now if only the wedding planning could be condensed into three hours...) More on Bridezilla here.

6. Visit your family...
...When you don't have to. So on a weekend besides Thanksgiving or whatever, arrange a low-stress visit that's unfettered by ceremony.

7. Get a new suit.
Not something for job interviews, but something stylish and casual for your punishing schedule of social events. Get it tailored. Splurge on a new tie and well-fitted dress shirt--the details count.

8. Don't be "That Guy."
You know That Guy. He brags about expensive shit he just bought, he kisses up to the boss, and, in all likelihood, he can't stop talking about how awesome his wedding will be. Never be That Guy.

9. Take up smoking.
It's fun. It's the perfect excuse to take a break from work. And cigarettes are medically proven to have fewer calories, fat, and carbohydrates than fruit or vegetables.

10. Don't do everything you see on dumb New Year's Resolution Lists.
Like the above. And if you meet the dual criteria of: 1) smoker; 2) getting married, use this as your final, ironclad reason to quit. You're now in a family, so you're infesting them with nicotine, too. Also? You started smoking so you could look cool. You'll soon be married. You no longer have to look cool.

You'll find 11 - 50 here. Enjoy.

What do you do for a date? Or, more specifically, what do you do when the obvious stuff runs dry?

Let's look at the classic date pattern:

1^st date: Drinks.
2^nd date: Drinks.
3^rd date: Dinner + Drinks + Sex.
....
10^th date and beyond:  Sex.

The trick, therefore, is that awkward middle ground between the 3^rd and 10^th date.  After the 10^th date--more or less, depending on a host of variables like age, personality, and income--you're bunkered in with a double-feature of Netflix and Trojan.

Plunge reader Ryanh007 posts in the forums:

"You meet girl.  You fall in love with girl.  You want to marry girl.  What do you do if your family doesn't like her?  This isn't the irrational "Nobody is good enough for my boy" dislike, its the irrational "Her family isn't as good as ours, she works at walmart, she isn't the best looking girl in town" dislike, plus other arguments that wouldn't hold their weight.

What do you do when your family is too stuck up to see your bride to be the way you see her?  They have valid points, but you aren't as stuck up as them."

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