The Plunge Blog

A female reader asks us:

"I'm writing in to get the guy perspective on post-wedding breakfasts. My parents want to have one, and my groom hates the idea. He's constantly asking me why we have to have one and whether it's a fake tradition from bridal magazines. In his opinion, post-wedding breakfasts are simply stupid, and we should simply say goodbye to all of our guests at the end of the reception and not have to see them again the morning after our wedding night (I'm guessing because he'd like to be asleep or having sex).

I, on the other hand, kinda want to have the wedding breakfast. We live on the other side of the country from our families, and yet most of our extended family will be flying out to attend our wedding. Add to this the fact that I'm a little prone to tears during major life changes (the night before my college graduation I sobbed for five hours), and I think it's a bad idea to combine getting married with saying goodbye to my family (whom I'm extremely close to, despite being so far away) in the same day. It's a bit much for me. I'm getting weepy just thinking about it, actually. And we're not flying out for our honeymoon until the day after the breakfast, anyways, so it's not like it would make our lives more difficult to just saunter downstairs and eat breakfast.

What's my best course of action here? Ignore his protests because he's not saying "no" exactly? Try to explain why I want to have the breakfast? (I'm not certain that "I'm going to cry alot." really counts as a rationale for him until the point at which I cry alot. ) Compromise and tell him I'm going to it but he doesn't have to (which might annoy his family slightly, who then only gets to say goodbye to me)?

A reader asks us:

"I'm engaged. My close friend recently asked me to be a Groomsman for his wedding, and I said yes without hesitation.

"My fiancée (wife by the time of my friends wedding) is upset at the thought of me walking down the aisle with someone other than her.

"How can I smooth things over?"

A reader asks us:

"I've got a bachelor party coming up, and my younger brother/best man is on the case."

"Here's the issue: My brother and nearly all of the invitees are unmarried and to my knowledge have limited experience with bachelor parties (to be fair, the same is true for me).

A reader asks:

"Hi guys,

"I'm having a pretty weird problem with my wedding planning. My fiance's groomsmen have pretty much bailed on throwing him a bachelor party!!

"I don't want him to go without (including the whole strippers and booze shebang if he wants, provided there is no actual she-banging).

A female reader writes:

"I got married to a guy 4 months back. He had his bachelor party in May.  I came to know a month back that they had gone to a strip bar and he had a lap dance.

"When I asked him a day after his bachelors party, he said they just did bar hopping, didn't go to a strip bar.... but when his friend said that they went to strip bar, he confessed that they did, and that he got a lap dance.

"He did apologize to me that he lied, and did say sorry hundred times. On my insistence, he took me to a strip bar to see what it looks like. This issue was discussed before we started dating that he would never go to a strip bar.

A reader writes:

"I had originally decided on an all-day skeet shooting gunfest bachelor party. We would all show up at someone's field around noon, throw up some tailgating tents, back up some trucks full of ammo, and expend enough rounds to make a South American drug lord cry with envy. Afterwards, we could go to dinner or even catch a hockey game in person. It fits me because I am a gun nut, I don't drink (or smoke anything), and I don't do strippers. This plan also works in that I have 4 brothers who all drink, varied friends who do or don't drink, but all of whom are capable of coming out to such an event and having a good time. They can drink (or not) as they please.

I threw this idea to my brothers, and my oldest (the party animal of the family) immediately tried to convince me into something else such as a deep sea fishing trip, or a weekend at his hunting cabin over in Arkansas. I got the others on my side about the shoot-fest and thought the idea was done but now the oldest is bringing it up again about how we need to do a weekend out somewhere instead of a single afternoon. I can agree, a weekend long bachelor party would be fine, but there are several big problems in the way of this.

A reader writes:

"I'm getting married in July and one of my best friends is getting married in September of this year.  I say "one of" because I have two best friends. 

"In fact, there are three of us that are best friends with each other, the third isn't getting married any time soon.  I decided to make the one getting married my best man, and the other a groomsman. 

"However I found out I'm not even a groomsman for my best man (he has about 4 or brothers who are all groomsmen) yet he makes our other friend that's not getting married a groomsman. 

A reader writes:

"Dear The Plunge,

My issue may be simple or it may be complex. It really depends on how you look at it. I've only been engaged for 2 weeks, but planning has already started and a major snag has already come up: Open Bar, no bar, or somewhere in between.

My fiancé's family is kind of expecting an open bar at the reception. They can't, however, afford it without help from my parents. My parents are willing to contribute to the wedding and the reception, however, my Mother is almost dead set against any alcohol at the reception. She is kind of old school and believes that, as she did not have alcohol at her wedding, why should there be alcohol at mine. How do I get her to be ok with having some sort of alcohol at the Reception? Any ideas?

Thank you, in advance, for any and all help you can provide."

_____________

This sounds like a good idea on paper--using a gun during a wedding toast--but, believe it or not, it's actually a bad idea.

Damn. 

The New York Daily News nails it, calling this "what may be the worst wedding toast of all time."

As you can see yourself from the below video, a dude uses a prop for a wedding toast. Okay so far. But that prop is a handgun. Not the best idea, but maybe it's fake, right? No it's quite real. He hands the gun to someone else... who shoots himself.

Here's the good news: This is hardly a widespread "trend."

Here's the other good news: This is a company in India, so, hopefully, you're (probably) not affected.

Still, kind of scary stuff.  A "detective service" lets brides--and the Father of the Bride--check up on grooms and investigate his past, criminal record, and fidelity.

Awesome.

Whoa. This one's a little nutty. 

Have you seen anything like this? Give us your thoughts.

A reader asks in the forums:

"My fiancée and I have been engaged for almost a year... We have agreed on everything having to do with the wedding... All has been good.

What's the exact opposite of chocolate and peanut butter, you know, two great things that go great together? 

Two awful things that go awful together: wedding planning and taxes.

A fairly informative (if a touch dry) article in the Wall Street Journal about how getting married impacts your taxes.

From the Journal:

This story has a little bit of everything: violence, brides, car crashes, jail, drunkenness, honeymoons, weddings, and even a sex offender. The only thing surprising is that no, in fact, it's not an episode of Jersey Shore.

From The New York Daily News: "Timothy Keene and his blushing bride Marissa spent their wedding night in separate cells after she tried to run down one of her new spouse's ex-girlfriends, Barnstable police said."

We're going to go ahead and assume that this counts as a "Don't" in Reception Behavior. 

Other wackiness: the groom is a registered sex-offender. And the bride also pointed the car at the ex-girlfriend's kid, too. Well at least she's thorough. When you go on a revenge vendetta, the prudent move is to wipe out the entire family, this will intimidate your enemies and serve as a deterrent.  (See: Keyser Soze.)

Yes, we get the irony.

We realize that any website that touts articles like How Wedding-Porn is Brainwashing Your Fiancée, Your Reward for Suffering: Planning the Honeymoon, and Your Get Out of Wedding Free Card--Convincing Her to Elope...this kind of website, we admit, has no business telling you "not be sarcastic."

That said... don't be sarcastic.

If you have a little "prank" that you think will lighten up the wedding party? Don't. Just forget it. If you must, share the idea with your buddies. But don't actually do it.

Another day, another trainwreck.

Sometimes the advice we give is so commonsensical we're a little embarrassed. You're not an idiot. We're not idiots. (Well, not all the time.) So, for example, when we tell a reader who's thinking about cheating "Don't Cheat" we blush with shame. Obvious stuff, right?

Maybe, maybe not. Events in the real world tell us that no matter how obvious we think an issue is, now matter how straightforward, people will still screw it up.

For example: we never thought that we would need to suggest that you "tell your guests not to bring guns."