In a perfect world, your parents are still married, so are hers, and the BCS won’t screw up the college rankings (again). Here’s how to deal with an imperfect world.

So you have divorced parents—or maybe your fiancée does—and it’s poisoning your engagement the way Sofia Coppola ruined Godfather III. Here’s a sliver of good news: 9 times out of 10, divorced parents will pleasantly surprise you at your wedding. They rally. They put on their game faces.

But not always. You could be that unlucky 1 out of 10. And even if they smile and fake-hug on the big day itself, you’re guaranteed to encounter your share of awkward issues—during the planning process and wedding itself. Here’s how to crack ‘em:

Awkward Divorce Issue: They won’t sit together

Your parents view a five-minute phone conversation as waterboard torture, so how can they be expected to endure five hours? Fair enough. If they demand separate tables, just roll with it. That goes for the actual ceremony, too. Usually you can compromise by plopping the mom in the front row, the dad in the second. The key, however, is to walk through these processional details early on to ensure they’re comfortable. Don’t risk any day-of surprises.

Awkward Divorce Issue: The invitations

How petty can it get, right? To you and me, the issue of “whose names go on the invitations” has the same import as whether your high school yearbook spelled out, omitted, or abbreviated your middle name. Who effing cares? (Hint: everyone but you.) Your fiancée’s wedding-porn will give you the gruesome blow-by-blow of how to word this mouthful tactfully (click here for The Knot’s examples); your only duty is to be aware that it’s an issue and to run it by your folks.

Awkward Divorce Issue: The father and stepfather both want to walk the bride down the aisle.

Rule of thumb: whoever gives you a more expensive wedding gift is the one who gets to walk her down the aisle. Kidding. This one’s obviously her call, not yours, but the tie goes to the blood-father. If the stepfather walks her, on the “Slap in the Face” scale for the biological dad, it’s only one notch lower than learning his daughter is a hooker.

Awkward Divorce Issue: Money Money Money.

The biggie. As discussed here, these days it’s no longer clear-cut who pays for your little freak show. It’s bad enough with two sets of parents, but with potentially four sets of meddling moms and dads? Funny premise if you’re Vince Vaughn in Four Christmases, tragic premise if you’re you. Good news and better news. The good news is that in this hairy predicament, there’s absolutely no one right or wrong answer. Tradition never wrote this chapter. The better news, potentially, is that there could be more money to go around; if you have three (or even four) sets of parents contributing, if you’re lucky, that could help share the financial burden.

Again, the trick is to explore early on if they’re interested in chipping in (using the two-phase strategy outlined here), and then tactfully suggest that it would be easier to “streamline” things by writing a check upfront. By collecting the cash in advance, you sidestep the ugly, nickel-and-dime feuds over why your dad is paying for your mom’s new boyfriend’s specially-requested organic risotto. Consolidate the funds or this crap can get ugly.

Awkward Divorce Issue: Wildcards

“What?!? Your little stepmom—that slut!—wants her child to be the flower girl?!?” You never know what will set divorced parents off. It could be anything: flower girls, table decorations, photo arrangements, parent dances, or who gets to give a toast. Sometimes you can’t win.

For these unforeseen wildcards, they should remember—and you should remember—that with all due respect, frankly, this isn’t about them. It’s not about their ugly divorce. At the end of the day, it’s about your true love, your future, your romance…it’s about spending a stupid amount of money on a stupid sequence of rituals so that you can stupidly lock yourself down to one woman for the rest of your stupid life.

Another Very Different Kind of Parent Issue

Okay, onto a more serious side note, and something that puts all the other stuff in perspective. If you or your fiancée has lost a parent (especially recently), you’ll struggle with how to honor them without darkening the mood. It’s a tough balancing act.

The most important thing to remember is this: in terms of honoring the deceased, nothing you do is wrong, nothing (within reason) is inappropriate, and nothing will be second-guessed. Some concrete ways to remember the deceased can be found here. In the same vein, no one will blink if you choose not to call extra attention to the deceased. If you go that route, everyone (including the departed) will understand—you’re celebrating life and tomorrow.

Remember: your relationship with the deceased trumps every shred of “wedding planning etiquette.” Do what you feel is right. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Another doozy of a complication: do you invite your ex-girlfriend to the wedding?