With the release of Solo: A Star Wars Story just around the corner, we thought we’d dig out our old Star Wars DVDs and remind ourselves what all the fuss is about. At its most basic level, the Star Wars saga is about the never-ending struggle between good and evil…along with some daddy issues and crushing on your sister. But it’s fleshed out with so many words of wisdom, feats of fearlessness and leaps into the unknown that its lessons can be applied to almost anything—even weddings. That’s right, we’re about to get real geeky up in this wretched hive of scum and villainy. Here’s some serious Star Wars knowledge that can be applied to every step of your wedding journey.
The Proposal: Do Or Do Not…There Is No Try
Ain’t no half-steppin’ when you’re a Jedi Knight, and Dagobah’s favorite philosopher nailed it with his simple advice to go all in. Sure, you’re not levitating an X-Wing, but when you pop the question, you need to work a little magic and put your whole heart into it. Go for something seriously memorable that hits home with the emotional punch of a hypothermic wampa. Your lady won’t have to search her feelings to know that her destiny, you are.
Meeting The In-laws: I’ve Got A Bad Feeling About This
When meeting your future father-in-law, do not scream “That’s not true, that’s impossible…nooooooo,” then jump out a window—accept maybe if you’re on the first floor. Seriously, though, it’s way too easy to cast your in-laws as villains. We’ve seen that story a million times. Instead, treat them as part of your alliance. To paraphrase a farm boy from Tatooine: There’s good in them…I can feel it. The in-laws will be in your orbit for a long time, so if you want to bring order to your personal galaxy, you should learn to rule side-by-side.
Bachelor Party: Great Kid…Don’t Get Cocky
With your fellow rebels by your side, swagger into your bachelor party with all the brio of Han Solo launching is legendary attempt on the Kessel Run. But before you get too blasted, listen to your inner-Luke and resolve to keep things under control. The mini-Vader on your left shoulder will keep declaring, “You don’t know the power of the drunk side,” while the Obi-Wan on your right will be saying “Use the spacers, Luke.” Whatever you do, don’t pay any attention to that gold-platted buzzkill Threepio. “We seem to be made to suffer…we’re doomed.” Yeah, yeah…we know.
The Ceremony: I Find Your Lack Of Faith Disturbing
We’re not living a long time ago, if you don’t want religion to be part of your ceremony then you shouldn’t feel pressured to use in a priest, rabbi or minister into your nuptials. Some folks might think you’re on the path to the dark side but plenty of others will declare that hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side. By “blaster,” we mean your drunk but loveable best man.
The Reception: It’s A Trap!
Like taking a leisurely stroll around a Sarlacc pit, so much can go wrong at your reception. From wardrobe malfunctions to inebriated relatives to catering catastrophes, any number of issues can arise. No matter what happens, be mindful of your thoughts so they don’t betray you. Stay cooler than a guy in a block of carbonite, so your princess can enjoy the moment and feel like the center of the universe.
Your Honeymoon: Judge Me By My Size, Do You?
Some guys always have to brag about the size of their honeymoon package, but there’s no shame in taking a more modest retreat. Whether it’s a decadent week in the South of France or an affordable weekend getaway, your honeymoon is all about the company. As long as you make the most of what you’ve got, your wife will love every minute of it. Now let’s blow this thing and go home!
Throughout your entire wedding adventure, just keep reminding yourself, “stay on target, stay on target.” You won’t need some crusty old dude in a robe whispering to you (unless that’s your thing) or the latest in wedding tech to guide your way, just let go…follow your instincts and your training will be complete.
