There are many brave men who marry into families with problematic in-laws, but most families, for the most part, are “normal” until you f*ck it up by saying or doing something dumb. And let’s be honest, we are men. We do that sometimes.
With the world turning the final corner in the COVID track race, weddings will soon be a common occurrence again, which means it could be your turn soon. You need to be ready, and you need to protect yourself from ending up in your in-laws’ doghouse. This is the watcher on the wall, the S.H.I.E.L.D that guards the realms of husbands and husbands to be. This is what you NEED to know if you want to stay in the good graces of your mother- and father-in-law.
You need to know S.H.I.E.L.D.
Sympathize with them
Like hall-of-fame ladies man Mick Jagger once said, have some sympathy and some taste. Otherwise your in-laws will surely lay you to waste. Ultimately you need to be able to play a good devil’s advocate, because it isn’t always easy to sympathize with their side. Of course it’s easiest to just stay out of it, but sometimes you can’t help but get dragged into the middle. Even if you don’t completely agree, at least try to understand where they’re coming from. They’ll respect you for it.
Help them
This is without a doubt the easiest step. Always offer to help them. More importantly, don’t let them ask you for help. Be proactive and get ahead of them. At family and group functions, step up and clear the table at the end of the night. It seriously goes a long way, even if it’s just two small, empty coffee cups that you brought to the sink. Maybe whip up an appetizer, or a desert. It’s 2021, men can cook. Men can bake. And if you really suck at it, at least bring something from the store.
Intrigue them
Don’t be a boring son of bitch. Make yourself seem interesting, even if your job is inputting numbers into a spreadsheet all day like a real life Chandler Bing. Remember the old Dos Equis guy? Damn, he was interesting and no one knows a damn thing about him. Fluff up that resume so that when you leave the room they are still talking about you. People like those that they find interesting. Like Mr. dos Equis.
Enjoy yourself
Tone, body language and overall mood say a lot about a person. Even if you think your in-laws are the most boring, mean, or frustrating people in the world, forget that. If you go into tomorrow’s get together with a negative attitude, you’ll have a bad time. And your in-laws will notice your negative attitude, even if you try to hide it with the occasional smile. Tell yourself you’ll have fun and you will; your in-laws will too. So suck it up buttercup, and get in there.
Laugh
It’s time to embrace your inner acting skills. Got that fake laugh locked and loaded? Good, you’re gonna need it. If you learned anything from your own parents, it’s that they all think they are professional comedians. They tell every dad joke like it’s the first time you’ve heard. So when your father-in-law tells you his favorite dad joke for the 12th time, laugh like you’re at a Bill Burr show. When your mother-in-law tells you about that funny thing that happened the other day, laugh like it’s one of Maya Rudolph’s stories.
Defend them
Rule number one in any marriage is always defend your wife, but rule number two should be defend your in-laws (except when it’s against your wife). Imagine: You’re in the car with your father-in-law, and he’s tailgating the hell out of the guy in front of you. Suddenly that guy stops short and bam! He rear ends the guy. Your father-in-law launches into a tirade about how the guy in front was driving too slow, how he stopped short, how he’s gonna have to take the blame because the guy in front is an idiot who should get off the road… We all know tailgating is a bad idea. No one likes a tailgater and you know that your father-in-law is in the wrong. Well, screw that. You defend him, and start cursing out the guy in front of you right along with him. Trust us, he’ll love you for it.
It’s a tough landscape for sure. Keeping a good relationship with your in-laws can be like tip-toeing through a minefield. All it takes is one bad step and it’s over in an instant. Hopefully now this shield will also serve as a metal detector to get you through to the end. Best of luck.
