If you ignore this issue, you could find yourself getting married on Game 7 of the World Series. Don’t be That Guy. Avoid these dates...

You know how in every single season of 24, Jack Bauer is the only one who can see past the “conventional wisdom” of CTU and the government, somehow the lone visionary who knows what’s right? He’ll then stand on his principles, risk his career, and even get tortured when no one else believes in him.

You are now Jack Bauer. You are the only one who knows the truth. And some frightening forces—your fiancée’s wedding porn—have created a sinister groupthink when it comes to something critical, something life-or-death…the date of your wedding, and how it impacts the sporting calendar.

The Knot gives this helpful advice:

Consider seasons that are significant to you. Always loved summers at the shore? Or are Henleys and spiked cider more your thing? Or think about a sentimental date (parents’ anniversary? First time you kissed?) that you’d love to commemorate.

Spiked cider? First time you kissed? The truly frightening part—that advice was written for the groom.

To your fiancée, The Knot sagely counsels:

Consider your wedding personality, then choose your season accordingly: Free-spirited fun, sun-dappled settings, wild and sweaty dancing: Stick with summer. Opulence, snowfall, holiday sparkle: You can only be wed in winter. Rich colors, nostalgia, mulled apple cider: Fall's for you. Freshness, pastels, a daffodil bouquet: Spring's your thing.

Getting the picture? Unless you intercede, it’s possible that your wedding date will be chosen by fecklessness and madness. Yes, your fiancée will rationally talk to your A-List guests (family, best friends, the wedding party) to minimize the chance of conflict. At the risk of perpetuating gender stereotypes, she is unlikely, however, to think about the Final Four. Or the Super Bowl.

This is where you come in. Stand up, stand tall, and ensure that each month, she carefully observes the following:

January
Super Bowl Weekend. To clarify, yes, the entire weekend is out of bounds. Any groom who gets married on the Super Bowl should make one small addition to the festivities: a certain surgery—open to the public—that removes any last evidence of his manhood. If you can, try and avoid all of January so you don’t miss the NFL playoffs. Lie. Tell her that since you were a little boy you’ve dreamed of a sun-dappled summer wedding. (One last thing in January; don’t forget about MLK weekend—see “Judgment Calls," below.)

February
All clear. Bonus? If you can land this little party on Valentine’s Day, then you kill two birds with one stone and can cut the future number of roses you purchase by 50%.

March
Make a deal. A compromise. If it’s important to your fiancée that she holds the wedding during March Madness, fine, no problem, but it’s important to you that plasma TVs adorn the ceremony and reception hall.

April
Keep an eye out for Easter and Passover. Even if you’re not Christian or Jewish, many of your guests will be. Also, April 15^th (or the preceding weekend) isn’t a deal-breaker, but a wedding should be escapist and care-free. Or the exact opposite of “tax weekend.” Anyone stressed with a 1099 won’t be doing the foxtrot. And if there are accountants in either family? You’ve just lost them to their Blackberries for the entire weekend.

May
Both the NBA and the NHL Finals. The games are spaced far enough apart that you might be able to dodge a bullet…but why risk it? (Click here and here for the latest schedules.)

June
Every four years this is the World Cup. A hard criteria? Probably not. But carefully consider your guest list and keep an eye for rabid fans; the World Cup is the one sport where people literally murder the under-performing athletes. Don’t anger these freaks.

July
The Fourth of July. For the love of God, don’t be that couple. Don’t delude yourself with the notion that, “Oh! People already have a four-day weekend, so they can hit our wedding without missing work!” Maybe, maybe not. For every one guest who saves a vacation day, you’ll have two guests pissed off that they can’t barbecue their traditional brisket.

Mid July - August
A sweet-spot. No NBA, no NHL, no college football, no college basketball, the pennant races haven’t heated up, and the NFL is only in pre-season—an unfortunate but acceptable sacrifice. From a sporting perspective, this is as safe as it gets. Of course, everyone else on the planet also wants to get married this time of the year, which drives up the costs significantly. (Cleverly use this to your advantage. When your fiancée floats the idea of a summer wedding but worries you’ll balk at the higher costs, amaze her with your equanimity and “open-mindedness” to the higher fees…even though it’s your preference all along.) Quick tip: don’t plan your wedding at the end of August. Even though the weekend itself doesn’t conflict with any games, your honeymoon will land on early September, or NFL opening weekend.

September
No opening weekend in the NFL. No September 11^th (especially important in New York). The month usually has Rosh Hashanah in it. The end of the month sometimes has Yom Kippur—sometimes it’s in October; click here for the full list of Jewish holidays.

October
Just keep it simple: avoid the second half of October. Even if you cleverly pick a World Series off-day, most guests will need to travel during one (or more) game, making every guy despise you. These are the things your fiancée isn’t thinking about when making this decision—keep your eye on the ball. (Check updated schedule here.) Oh, and you should probably avoid October 31^st. Halloween is a special, magical time when you get to see all of your girl co-workers dressed up like strippers. Don’t spoil it.

November
Most of the month is clear. But if you think that Thanksgiving is a fantastic date for a wedding, you need more help than we can give you at The Plunge. Click here.

December
The first part of the month is harmless. Watch out for that pesky date on the 25^th. Just like the rest of us, Jesus isn’t too wild about sharing his birthday. And as for New Year’s Eve? Maybe you’re thinking, “Wouldn’t it be so romantic to become husband and wife as the clock strikes midnight and the ball drops in Times Square?” Um, maybe for you, not so much for the other 100 guests who have other plans. This is the most self-absorbed idea since Ricky Williams suddenly retired from the Dolphins, abandoned his teammates and went to go smoke dope in Thailand.

Judgment Calls—Three-Day Weekends
January - Martin Luther King, Jr. Day
February - President’s Day
May – Memorial Day
September - Labor Day
October - Columbus Day

There are two schools of thought. Some argue that for these junior varsity holidays, you’re screwing your guests by hijacking their vacation. Others claim that no one has sacred “Columbus Day Traditions,” and if they bristle over such a minor holiday, then they’re not really your friends.

The best answer? It depends on your situation. If your wedding is local and you don’t have many traveling guests, then yeah, claiming those holidays is a little selfish. But if a good chunk of your guests come are flying in from New York and Chicago, then they’ll probably appreciate the extra travel day. If you have a destination wedding, then a three-day weekend makes perfect sense (so long as it’s not July 4^th).

Once you've nailed down the date--or maybe even beforehand--you'll need to plan the Reception. This is your move.